untuk si agoraphobic yang selalu duduk diam dalam kawasan sendiri

orang berilmu dan beradab tidak akan diam di kampung halaman. Tinggalkanlah negerimu dan merantau ke negeri orang. Merantaulah, kau akan dapat pengganti dari kerabat dan kawan. Berlelah lelah lah, manisnya hidup terasa setelah lelah berjuang.

aku melihat air menjadi keruh dan rosak kerana diam tertahan.
jika mengalir menjadi jernih, jika tidak akan keruh menggenang.

singa jika tidak meninggalkan sarang tidak akan dapat mangsa.
anak panah jika tidak meninggalkan busur tidak akan kena sasaran.

jika matahari di orbitnya tidak bergerak dan terus diam.
tentu manusia bosan padanya dan enggan memandang.

bijih emas umpama tanah biasa sebelum digali dari tambang
kayu gaharu tidak ubahnya seperti kayu biasa jika di dalam hutan.
-imam muhammad idris-

just wanted to tell. i read this quotation somewhere on the book. so its seems like mocking me indirectly due to my agoraphobic disorder. and when i re-read this quotation the words still mocking me down with the tongues out. damn.

i get this pathetic disorder and i realize it ruined my social life day by day. i even asked someone to fetch me up for lepak session sometime.

i dont even know what kind of monster that im afraid with. i just feel tremendously awkward to start a journey to somewhere. but obviously its not damn serious, meant that i still have this tawakal ability to rely with.

but recently and im not sure since when its started to turning back and my nervous system just work correctly as it suppose to be. meanwhile i have to gain my trust to the environments stratum and earn the good relationship upon our significant connection.

its not a big deal hell yeah, an agoraphobic just be fine on the place they sit still. there is no code to be decipher and there is not much counting probability. just be lame and boring is fine enough for an agoraphobic person.

and i admit that i earn not much from life when im home. its really not good for the sake of growing. just these kind of public air doesnt fit me well in well manners. or maybe im not belong to the things that conjoin prohibited and discipline here and there. ouh shyte..what am i trying to convey here. damn zero excuse.

ok i admit again. for the sake of confession. i can turn to coward man by no time, who afraid to face the reality of life. lack of self esteem and confidence in fact.

counting on the phobic item, i can say agoraphobic put the smile on his face on the top of the list. i dont feel suffer by this but its ruined and demolish my future slowly steady from the inside. from the part that i even dont know where in me.

weaving words is good but terrible metaphor is F isn't it?. but as long as its cool, it'll remain cool until the time pass us by.

eh damn. ok lah gerak dulu.


for the record :

dont ask anything about what is MURNI SOED up to?. she so something else in other word she suppose to be in the next next next entry. but she eagerly wanted to come early. give her some space audience. sooner or later she'll come with picture.

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