its been quite F'ing while im not write anything in this empty unattractive blog, im just not feeling good in writing lately, dan malam ini aku rasa bosan. dah dua belas hari aku tak merokok, jadi bila aku tak merokok aku rasa bebal untuk blogging, sebab usually i'll have a ciggie to ensure the inspiration keep flowing out.
dan aku nak cerita pasal aku. and for those who never meet me before, i would like to tell ya'll, that i am F'ing skinny approaching anorexia nervousa. i have this underweight appearance since i even dont know when.
GOOGLE PHOTO- AND APPARENTLY ITS NOT ME
but Wallahi, i never bothered and felt this thin look as a big issue for me. tapi jadi masalah pada orang lain pulak. one of my neighbours ever asking me why am i so thin. and for God sake i dont even have the answer for that question.
some of them even cross the line with wild accusation that im involved with drug abuse and ganja marijuana thang. But hell i care, i never touch those shit or any other equivalent thang. bite me. i dont have the answer for this kinda question.
untill one day during my shift. there is an old buddy drop by and she quite surprise seeing me there. and she said.
"hey. kau dah berubah lah, nampak lain. tapi still maintain dengan drug addict look kau"
know what, its kinda rude isnt it?. but i just let it like unheard statement. honestly im not disappointed with such a shit words. But at the very least i felt, its similarly like you blame me because i am skinny skeletal.
i just dont have any idea about the relevant respond if someone ask me why am i so thin. because sometimes i do eat like a hungry pig and i never skip lunch and dinner. my meals routine is the same as other normal human being. tapi aku tak tahu apsal badan aku tak naik naik. jadi tolong lah jangan tanya aku kenapa aku kurus.
sebab memang badan aku susah nak naik, and korang tahu tak berapa lama dah aku berhadapan dengan situasi macam nie, dari sekolah rasanya orang asyik tanya. jadi ia dah jadi makin menjengkelkan . aku bukan nak emo pasal benda nie. cuma jangan tanya aku, kalau nak cakap aku hisap dadah cakap lah. tapi tanya kenapa aku macam rangka aku memang tak ada jawapan.
because sometimes when someone asking me, did i involve with drug. i just say yes i do, and so what?. aku hisap dadah hari hari macam sarapan dadah, lunch dadah, dinner pun dadah. im tired la to deal with this matter. as long im in a pink of health, i wont be bothered about my body look. cause i am not so choosy and desperate with appearance. so far, i just feel good with what i got and glad and happy as well. so i wont let anyone with unease feeling ruin my thankful spirit of this life.
if you gemuk you can diet and catu makan or else jusmate5 doktor rambut celaka, but when you kurus and especially like me youll found no clue about how to gain more weight.
ok lah. aku nak tidur, dah pukul 4 pagi dah nie, lainkali aku update lagi.
for the record :
i have an adequate asset to live life to the fullest if i am being blessed. Oh tuhan, berkatilah hidupku. ameen