IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN

salam.

cannot sleep but its already 0436 late night. should or should not to call it night?. lets make a deal its night. i having this kinda difficulties to adapt of what was going on lately.

grampa passed away on Wednesday after Zuhr. its not a matter of our incoherent relations. truth to be told the last time i met him, sorry i cant even recall that moment. but its approximately past few years ago.

a few weeks before, dad asked me to give him a visit at least. And i am start to calculate on how much the visit worth for me and for him as well.

during child age we often to visit him during eid, every single years. As far as i am concerned the tradition stopped when i reached 16. just because of an indistinct reasons i guess. but im not even sure of why the stops.

i just thought. alah he is just an atok angkat. so that it is not a different either we going to his place or not during raya. Grampa also a public figure in our kampung so that our absent to his place does not register any uneasy feeling upon him.

i dont know. it is just my theory.

but its started yesterday when dad got a phone call informed that grampa just gone. for god sake i just felt a bit devastated at first. then dad said, "ha tu lah kau tak sempat nak tengok dia kan..." i started to think that i am the heartless barbarian.

then i decided to join the preparation for his funeral. we are among the earliest to reached at his place due to non-distance issue. so i had a chance to see his total calm face.

i was advised once to have a look at dead body by starting from the legs. but yesterday i just violated the rule,  and grampa's face shown a deep calm like he just had a good quality of sleep rather than dead. his eye-bag reduced. and his face is just clean.

i dont know, you might see this as just an exaggeration. but he is an Imam besar , you'll surely know what his dead body deserves to look alike.

his dead followed by a cat and dog's rain. if you know what that mean. i dont know, i merely saying that.

now i just thinking that,  ramai orang berilmu dah diangkat, so yang tinggal orang orang yang bakal mencetuskan kerosakkan. im just afraid that i am one of the khasirin. if you know what i mean.

this is the second time i left the dying man just like that. the first is my late ustaz mengaji. he went to pilgrimage and never come back. i just to optimist of having a time to visit him after his return . during the solat jenazah ghaib pun i also not there.

yeah... i am bad. and you guys who read this. please recite fatihah for my late grampa and ustaz mengaji as well... they were good people.

oh... by the way nuffnang is fucking me up. they rejecting my cash out because they say i'd clicks my own ads and you guys click my ads repeatedly for cheating purpose.

fa'yu nuffnang. like i care. im not dying to be paid la.. so GFY money!