RECENTLY

assalamualaikum

this is my "fucked-up time"

im not suppose to write this...

and you are not suppose to read this...

this is stupid....

i write it in intelligent way to make it moving up to the certain smart level..

but trust me...its stupid.....

this is a story about feeling....everyone do care about their own feeling....what they felt will be translated into several way of expression...such as sad, happy, boring and whatever...i dont want to make a long list about others feeling...thats not my job to be care about....due to enormous suffocation that i currently dealt with...i wont give a damn about whatever that supposed and technically not involving me...in other hand....i already have a bunch of unsettled business and debt here and there....

as for me...if you came in a right door you'll surely treated well....but if it is obviously our fault to deal with an angry dog....we wont get much...and dont ever expect too much more than a violent bark.....there is no concrete reason...we have to pay reasonable price for priceless joyful....even it is priceless...but we have to  buy it with something and on the list also got thou shall really got a number of guts to handling the hard situation....its not me...its the list prepared for me.....

i can say even "motherfucker" to the things i hate much....why?...why am i saying this?....even there is apparent description told that not all the thing we hate is not good for us...because i am the one who still dont know yet what is actually really good for me...please...give me an air to breath....give me a pray that will resuscitate me from long unconsciousness.....respect me...i dont need much...i just need we will suit ourself with time and space....hence...another something that we cant live without...

something abstract that all the human being and sophisticated civilization called RIGHT...you are not suppose to blow that...and dont even think about asking....because its me...i am...and i...no body else and its me.....there is no answer why am i became me....i dont even know that....and if you continuously bothered why am i became someone like me....its unfair....and you'll be charged as try to stop my very own growing progress....as for that...DONT!....let me free....all i ever wanted is being me.....

this seems like totally emo-silly stupid words....but....my vocabulary in mothers tongue...is currently running out...its not working though....im not good in explaining...ill start to goofing before you'll know it...its kinda troublesome and unusual person will look at me as stupid outcast....i do care what they care....and i dont give a fuck what they dont care....as long my biological clock running....i will grow up and keep on realize that all i've been through in is not deviated from making myself achieving the perfection....

because of what?...i dont even know.... and i hope sooner or later...they will stop asking why me this and why me that....its already suffocated others.... dont let yourself deeply pressed with your own stupid question....just trying to pray....as i said before...God do answer human pray...but sometimes the answer is no....and again....dont bothered to think why His answer is no....because we wont ever get a chance to know that before we stand a chance to meet Him.....its hard...and its long....just be patient....and be nice please....we already made the world as crueler hell....dont make it turn as hell....dont let Zabaniyah start an early shift please.......gotta go....peace!...

long PS:

hot sunny day recently

i need an air-conditioner to release my temperature

or at least a tiny little fan

to bring me back into coldness...